Handling Guilt and Self Punishment

For the past few weeks of trading, the market took a trashing. I was one of the small boat in that treacherous climate. Luckily I have beefed myself with a rather effective plan, at least it proof effective for last month. And here I am, getting my plan really tested on this volatile 2 weeks. Gain some, lose some but the biggest loss I got, was self confidence and guilt. My cuts are overall good but my profit taking?... that really suck. Toyed around by my own emotions which atlas cause me to deviate from my plans. Day after day, I asked myself why am I not discipline enough in my exits. Even if I lost money but if I had followed consistently on my plan, I should looked forward to a great big tick on my trading diary. Who a, I kidding? Looking forward to a great big tick wasn't enough to keep me discipline. So I came to realize that I may need other forms of motivation. Reward or Punishment? Buy myself a new laptop? nah...I will buy it anyway... Prick my finger with my wife's glucose tester? Am I crazy!!! Then while googling for Self Punishment (pretty psycho to google such thing), I stumbled upon this website by urban monk.

http://www.urbanmonk.net/247/

This is great written article. There's one part that brought me to my senses. Whenever I am in a trading position, my emotions immediately changes. FEAR and the What if? question circles around my head like griffon vultures. And like any average human being, to end that awful feeling, I just get myself out of position by exiting anyhow. Phew.... What a relief!!! Wasn't that good? And guess what the next awful feeling subconsciously filled my body - GUILT!

This vicious cycle repeat everyday. I need a way to end this.

And that is when I realized this beautiful question:-

"Why am I feeling this way?"

Asking myself this simple question immediately let me consciously felt the fear that took over my body subconsciously, bring it out from within to 3 feet away from my body and look at it. With that irritating feeling 3 feet away, my mind becomes much clearer which allow me to objectively plan my exits.

This simple question also help me to check on my other feelings like anger, frustration, sadness that fill me now and then coping with the pressure of life. I am glad I am psycho enough to google for Self Punishment. So aways remember the question from the Buddha within whenever you felt negative.

My CFA Level 2 Exam Experience

After 4 months of intensive study, which I ought to do after experiencing Level 1 exam, I am glad that I scrap through my Level 2 exam. Though I not did as well as Level 1, I am just happy to have move forward. Here are my thoughts about what I have done and what I should have done.

1. This time, I did not sign up for FCIS as after calculating the sponsorship and the task to clock attendance, I realized that I am better off just getting the Stalla Guides. I purchase the Stalla guides because of the DVD lectures by Peter Olinto. However, this time, I fully depend on the Stalla Study Guides as these guides are excellent in their summarization of the essentials. Besides they are written in a way which I found i could easily comprehend. I have no other guides and hence I can't comment on others

2. Stalla Passmaster again. The questions in the DVD help pretty much for me to reinforce my learnings and yes, one definitely have to go through them.

3. Noting that in Level 1, as there are 10 studies, similar in Level 2, I realized that I tend to forget what I learned what I read in the earlier studies mid way through the studies. So this time, I scheduled my study sessions well. First part, a run through of the 10 topics which took me around 2 months plus. Then a 2nd round, however, with categorization of topics that overlaps to make sure I did not forget the earlier studies by applying them in the later studies. Also I did questions on the earlier study almost every day just to keep myself refresh. That take me around a month plus. The last few days are mostly on Ethics and just doing questions, not forgetting the mock questions as well.

4. Last but not least, never never lose your Confidence.

I couldn't think what else I could have done further except if I have started earlier. After getting my Level 1 results on 26 Jan, to the exam date on 5 Jun, I have only 4 months to complete the 10 studies. This time I have at least 10 months and hence no more complains about time. But again, this is Level 3 which may require more time and I have yet to get started. What I am doing different this time is apply what I learn in Level 1 and 2 and new findings in Level 3 curriculum on building a portfolio.

Arbitrage

After watching Numb3rs Season 3 - Longshot, I review the lessons in this episode in this site
http://www.math.cornell.edu/~numb3rs/samuelson/last2/num306.html. The Arbitrage section was rather interesting.

I looked into our Singapore pool betting system particularly on the soccer bets where there are odds defined and true indeed, the reciprocal of the odds are always greater than 1.


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A Don't Know Mind

The whole world recognizes the beautiful as the beautiful but this is the only ugly;

The whole world recognizes the good as the good, yet this is only the bad. - Tao Te Ching

To know more, one need to have a don't know mind.


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What are you carrying?

Two monks were traveling by foot in winter when they came upon a ford swollen by the rain. A pretty girl stood by the water, crying because she couldn't get across. One of the monks said, "Come on!" and scooping her up in his arms marched through the flood, put her down on the other side, and walked on. All day his companion fumed inside. Finally, when they stopped for the evening meal he burst out, "Why did you pick up that girl? You know monks aren't allowed to touch women. And she was pretty, as well!" To which his companion replied, "Why are you are still carrying her then?"

Do you believe in ghosts?

Time flies and it's almost 2 months away that I have posted my last post in March. I did 2 months of CFA hibernation and finally, the exam is over. While at the library, I spotted a book staring at me - Zen Questions by Robert Allen. The book has lots of illustration and here is one that I like.

A man's wife lay dying. She loved her husband very much and made him promise never to remarry. She told him that, should he break his promise, she would return to haunt him. For some time the husband remained faithful but, being quite a young man, he felt the need of a wife. He met a girl he liked and decided to remarry. Immediately the ghost of his former wife started to appear to him. She not only berated him for his unfaithfulness but embarrassed him by recounting in great detail exactly what he and his new wife had been up to. In desperation the man sought help from a Zen priest. The priest told the man to put some dried beans in his pocket. The next time the ghost appeared he was to take a handful of beans, without looking, and challenge the ghost to tell him how many beans he held. If she could do it, he would leave his new wife, but if not, the ghost would have to stop bothering him. The man followed this advice and, as soon as he issued the challenge, the ghost let out a scream of anger and fled.

An Old Woman, Your Best Friend and Your Dream Girl

You are driving your 2 seater battery-powered buggy on a stormy evening round a remote area. In front of a buggy stop you saw three people. A sickly skinny old lady lying on a cardboard bed, your best friend who once saved your life and the lady(man) of your dreams. Your buggy is only strong enough to carry one more passenger. Who will you pick?

I post my views in April.

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The Fisherman's Story

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village.

An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

“Not very long,” answered the Mexican.

“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, “But what do you do with all your time?”

“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs…I have a full life.”

The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!

You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.

Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.”

“You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise.”

“How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.

“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the American. “And after that?”

“Afterwards? That’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the American, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start selling stock and make millions!”

“Millions? Really? And after that?”

“After that — and this is the best part — you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, catch a few fish, take a siesta, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends!”


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The Best Month

I had trouble getting over this month. Firstly I cannot focus, which affected my meditation, my driving, my dealings with my love ones, my studies, my trading and mostly my confidence. Scenarios after scenarios are placed infront of me to test my reactions to them and largely I failed. What I did does not complement what I have been writing in my blog.

Everything I wrote in the blog is what I want to be. I thought I am there. I thought I was ready and unknowingly, this month came and tested me out. I failed and I realized I have alot more to learn. I got to pick myself up again so that I can prepare for another month like this and overcome every other month.

Just like the best friend is the friend who tells you your flaws, the best month is the month that let you realized your shortcomings.

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OSO Special

This is a kid show that is broadcast in Disney Channel, I think. I don't really pay attention much about this show but without fail, the yellow panda will say this, "It's part of the plan". This phrase always follows after a hiccup occurs during
his mission. That statement has alot of meaning and these are my views: -
1. Everything happens for a reason
2. Hiccups occurs and one should not be dejected but instead take it as part and parcel of life. They are there to test your strength, your will and most of all, let you refined your plan and hence make it better than good.
3. The Universe plan everything and hiccups are part of it. Universe put them there because Universe still find ways that you can make what you are attempting to do better.


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Experiences or Courses

As of today, I lost $5000, my initial startup for my Future Trading Account. Did I lost $5k just like that? It actually took me from August 2010 to February 2011, a span of 7 months to lose my initial startup. If I looked it in another way, I could have spend $5000 on a future trading course that span 5 days of intensive training. Would that be different? $5k for a 5 days course or $5k for a 7 months strengthening up one's own psychology, money management and trading methods. I know one of my friend is going for a trading course in Australia that cost almost $10k for a period of 7 days. Is it worth it or would it be better if he would just top up his trading account and used that to further improve his trading experience.

All choices is worth the money provided one learned something that is equivalent to the amount that one paid. This would mean acquiring the knowledge and putting them into action, seeing the result work slowly to where one want it to reach. However, in my view, 7 months of live trading experiences, learning and going through the real thing, managing the 3Ms is better than 7 days of theories. Of course, if during the 7 months, I learned nothing, making mistakes over and over again and not realizing it, cannot control emotion etc could prove to be not so good. In that case, I might as well quit trading altogether. However, to be fair, what makes me think that after another $5k or $10k course, I can be a different man? Yet, to plunge $5k on a trading course is good if one need an initiate booster to get into the trading mindset when one has absolutely no idea where to start. Still I think, go for the cheapest one like Tom Yuen class which I still think value for money.

"A jug fills drop by drop"

Thank You

23rd Wednesday 2011, TY-RDV. Tom has for the third time credit me for the idea of his "Daily Market Analysis" in Facebook where the idea came from another trader's course that I took. Of course, I love the compliment but I felt I should thank him for acting on it as his work benefit me and the rest.

I remember there was a time when I quoted someone 'words of wisdom' to my wife. However, a few weeks later she quoted back to me saying that she heard it from someone else and not dear me. It makes me feel like playing a second fiddler. Probably, she thinks that words like this could not have come out from her hubby's mouth. My ego hurts really bad for a simple thing like this and my mind can play the scene all day long draining out my energy and making other people near me drained out as well.

First, I am sorry. I like to thank my wife for using those words of wisdom on a great occasion as it shows she understand the context and has even applied them as principles to improve her life even though she forgot who had told her. This is because whoever told her those words, seriously... does not make a difference. However, if she would remembered that it was me, she would have strokes my ego, causing me to be seriously attached to it and in time to come, unable to let go when the reverse happened i.e. when my ego got hurt. Similarly, I am glad that Tom find meaning in the Daily Market Analysis and with that, I thank him.

Overall, I thank one for one's openness to hear those words
I thank one for one's time to understand those words
And I thank one for accepting those words as part of one's life
Least but not least, there is no need to thank me as I know it when I know it.

Where's the $1?

Three men eat at a restaurant. The bill comes to $25. They each pay $10. When the waiter brings the $5 change they each take back $1 each and leave a $2 tip. So each man has paid $9, which totals $27. The waiter has the $2 tip, which makes $29, so where's the other $1 gone?

This is a mind boggling riddle that I was told when I was 13 years old and have got no idea where the $1 had gone for really long time. People like to lead others how they want other to perceive, think or react. Just like a magician, the trick is to make sure that s/he get the audience to look where s/he wants them to, just like a herd. Similarly, authors, writers, commentators almost everyone write, say in such a way that they want the audience to follow, believed their views and hence provide all the information that support their views and suppress the opposing ones.

"Believed nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."

So where's the $1? The $27 the 3 men paid for the meal includes the $2 tips. So $3 (the $1 each men took back and not included) should be added to the $27 instead of double adding the $2 which is already in the $27.

"Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill."

Having said that, all authors, writers, broadcasters whose works are in contact with the mass public ought to know that they held great powers to influence many people with for their works. Hence if they choose the right words, they can motivate people to do good and if they uses the wrong words, they can incite violent and destruction to people's live. Even though the author claims the right to freedom of speech or quoted as one's perspective that need not be taken as factual, not everyone has the ability to differentiate an opinion from a fact which include the author him or herself before the Truth reviews.

"Every thing we see is a perspective. Every word we hear is an opinion"

High Probability Trading

I was introduced to the Monty Hall Problem in the series Numb3rs Season 1 "Manhunt". You can google "Monty Hall Problem" and you should get a lot of hits about this problem. Basically the problem is like this. There are 3 cards and 1 shows a ferrari while the other two show a goat picture. The objective of the game is find the car. The instructions of the game are as follows :-

1. Out of the 3 cards, place your single choice
2. Once placed, out of the two cards, the host will open one of the card that contains the goat
3. The host will ask if you will like to switch
4. This is the last chance to switch and once you decided whether to stay or switch, your choice card will be opened.

A simulation of the Monty Card Problem can be found here.

From the understanding of this problem, one can see that by understanding probability, one can increased the odds of winning.

Let's say that we have 3 traders, 2 who follows a system and 1 who do not have any system.
One of the traders who follow system switches his choice while the other stick to his choice. The one who does not follow the system sometimes stick and sometime stay. If I will to simulate the result of all 3, the one who switches will has the best gain. This is what I call High Probability trading. If one is able to have a system of indicators where each indicators give the probability of winning, average them up and if the sum met a certain threshold for entry, I believed such system will give a really good edge for that trader. Of course, at the same time, one may need to create indicators to determine exit as well.

2012

Based on the Mayan calendar prediction, a major disaster is going to fall on planet Earth at the end of 2012. Googling further, the cause is due to the Sun's "discharge" called solar flare that can cause tsunamis, earthquakes, fires, radiation. So is Hell going burn Earth over? Are natural disaster a sign of God's wrath? Satan's work?

Nature phenomenons are Mother Nature work, the Universe work in an attempt to balance nature and the system respectively. Nature disasters are part of nature phenomenons. They are not brought by Hellish creatures from the underworld. They are just Earth scratching an itch so as to feel at ease again. How Hellish it will get at dooms day does not depends on or created by these tsunamis, earthquakes etc. It will depends on how one react to them. If one felt trap inside inside, desperate to live, not knowing what to do, screaming, hitting, killing each other just to survive, one is sure to feel Hell on earth. The disaster is already bad enough and if one react that way, one has make the disaster even worst for oneself. Imagine how many people will feel that way fighting, looting, killing each other to save themselves. Hell will definitely freezes over.

However if one understand that universe is at work, understand the universe will give one an avatar after she finished, one may be in Heaven just before disaster struck. Would everyone be able to remain calm when disaster strikes?

Control your mind before your mind kills you even before the disaster actually happens.


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Credit yourself

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."

The name of the quote was not given as it is just a name. The one who gave the words was not highlighted because the words are more important than Him. However the words are worth nothing if you don't understand them. So ultimately, the credits should goes to you if you understand these words which make the words worthy, the author enlighten and the name burning bright.

"To live a pure unselfish life, one must count nothing as one's own in the midst of abundance."

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Within

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.

Similarly, anger comes from within. Do not destroy it without.

Everything come from within. Hence do not seek or destroy them without.




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The Foot

"The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground". One feels enlightened when one enlighten others.


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One

A candle cannot burn without a flame. Just like a candle, a body cannot burn without one. Just like a candle that can lit up millions of candle without losing its flame, one can also lit up millions of people lives without losing one. Though flame may be gone once the wick vanishes, it continues to burn bright in many other candles as long as the understanding spread.

"Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life."

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."

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Laura Sloate

This is another example of Helen Keller. She's blind but she is a multi-millionaire stock investor.

Read this on here

Value Tales

While searching for audios about Confucius, I stumbled upon this audio called Value Tales. Didn't know that it is a children book until I found it in the library. I borrowed the book instead so that I can read it to my daughters at bedtime.

The book focus on 5 people, namely Louis Pasteur, Harriet Tubman, Confucius, Helen Keller and Will Rogers.

Louis Pasteur is a chemist and later became a bacteriologist. Through his belief and faith in himself even though he has been scorn by leading physicians because he is not a medical doctor, he eventually made progress against silkworm disease, anthrax and rabies. All milk that are pasteurized called "Pasteurize milk" are named after Louis' findings on how to get rid of bacteria from milk. This story brought out the value of Believing in Yourself.

Harriet Tubman was born a slave where she witnessed the inhumanities of slavery. She personally went through hard labor and many beatings and was determined to be free. After she managed to escape, she work hard for freedom and equality by helping more of slaves escape even though she has become a wanted person. This story brought out the value of Helping.

Confucius like to read books because he always found the answer to any question there. And hence Confucius learn by reading, watching and listening. One of the famous quote by Confucius is "Do not impose on others what you do not wish for yourself". With that quote in mind, he became a man with integrity and honesty which led to his great reputation as a virtuous man. His story brought out the value of Honesty.

Helen Keller became blind and deaf when she was 19 months after a fever. With the help of her teacher, Anne Sullivan, she learned to read, speak and even write despite her handicap. Her story brought out the value of Determination.

Will Rogers was born to a prosperous family and had every chance for a good education. But as bright as he was, Will wasn't interested in school. Will worried about his future but he realized that he has a gift called humor. He knows that he just have to figure out how to make that work for him. Will worked hard on stage to make people laugh, actually he doesn't have to work hard as he is gifted to be funny. Soon his popularity rose and because of his humor, to the see things lightly, it brought him success as a philosopher, columnist, movie star, radio personality, philanthropist and most of all a human being. This story brought out the value of Humor.

I noted that in all the stories, the author adds in an Inner voice or True Voice of each person. The very tiny voice that one has to listen carefully to hear it that speak to the mind how to approached life. Believing in oneself, take things lightly, always get up and keep moving forward, help unconditionally and live life with integrity and honesty will lead to happiness not to just oneself but to everyone who comes in contact with one.

Meditation 2 - Projecting Thoughts

As part of the art of meditation, thoughts that came to one's mind should be observed by oneself as a third party and not getting involved in it. That means, one should not suppressed it but instead let the thoughts flow by as though they are just a passing breeze. Everytime when I am aware that I am pulled into my thoughts, it is always then that I immediately reacted by not thinking of it which eventually cause it to die down. This work though but there's this after effect that stay within my mind which I cannot explain in words. It is like a residue that stay on my head.

So today while meditating, I became to focus myself as the third party. My body at rest while I am watching my mind for thoughts. I started by closing my eyes and just staring at the black. Soon a thought filled the black screen and I put myself way back behind my mind and observed the thought that is projected on the black screen. Looking left and looking right until I saw everything and then with a click, all is pitch black again. I think I reached contemplation. Still I have the feeling that the dead thought is nearby. So I opened my eyes this time and projected my thought onto the wall. This time I am about 3 meters away. Similarly, I observed the thought and like a petal flowing in a stream, the thought move along the stream and is out of my sight. This time, I could not feel the thought near me.

I think thought projecting is a great art to master. Just like holding a screen, put the thought infront of you instead of leaving it in the mind. Once you work it through, stuff your screen and don't leave it in your mind. Knock out all the thoughts in your head, pushed or projected all negative thoughts onto the wall and keep those happy ones. Life will be alot peaceful.

"If one is able to control one's mind, one will find a way to Enlightenment"

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My Empty Baggage

Remember the days where you have to pack your clothes, your children clothes for vacation? And usually you end up with an overfilled baggage that is usually larger then your 2 year old kid? How would you like it if you have just a little baggage to carry with? On second thought, even if you have a baby baggage to carry, tendency, it will looks as though the weight is the same. This could be because the baggage you did not physically pack ended more packed in your mind, your worries of what if you have not pack enough.

I used to and still have the habit to bring all sort of thoughts, put it in my baggage (my mind) and bring it with me everywhere. And that is no wonder why I am so always tired. Just imagine carrying that tons of thoughts in your mind everywhere, eat, sleep, play and worst work etc. It is like carrying 20kg dumbbells everywhere I go.

How relieved I will feel if I could just leave them all at home and just bring an empty baggage along.

Before you do anything...

Confucius said, "Do not do to others what you do not want others to do to you". Some people rephrase this to "Do to others what you want others to do to you". I found them different in all entirety.

If someone punch me, can I presumed that someone want me to punch him back?
Of course, before I punch him, I would be wondering do I want him to punch me back?
Anyway, I think Confucius statement is less ambiguous.

So the next day, I ask my wife that if I want to have a friendly spar with a friend in a boxing match, can I assume that he would also like to do it? Based on second statement, I would like him to have a spar with me. So does that means, it is ok for me to initiate the spar? So what does Confucius original statement say to this? I do not want my friend not to spar with me so I should not not spar with him which mean I should spar with him? This sound like the original statement.

Overall, my opinion is that the decision seems to only lies with the 'I', the 'Me'. The 'Me' think what the other would want or would not want. What about the real thing that the other want?

So here's what I think should be added to Confucius statement :-
"Do not do to others what you do not want others to do to you and what others do not want you to do to them"

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense" - Buddha

I like this phrase by Buddha because most people will check who say those words before really crediting whether those words are true. Here Buddha, Himself tell the reader not to trust what He says but accept what He says only if it agrees with ones reason and common sense. In other words, we should not credit quotes on word of wisdom because those words should be credited as what they are instead of who says it.

Offerings

Ever wonder why joss sticks, fruits and flowers are seen at the altar of Gods, Deity, etc? Here's my unresearched view. If I'm not mistaken, joss sticks are used as a timing device. In the old time, there are no digital watches and hence, people burn joss stick to time themselves. So why did people burn 3 joss sticks when praying? Isn't one is enough? Besides timing, joss stick are scented so as to create a fragrance environment. However, I can't help to think whether the fragrane air we breathe contains carbon from the joss stick.

Fruits and flowers are offered most likely due to olden times when Buddha is sitting under the Bodhi tree, people bring plates of fruits or flowers to offer Buddha after He has finished his meditation. Most likely because of the picture, people still offer fruits and flowers in front of Buddha's image.

Though I don't see the logic why this is still done today like watch replacing joss stick and fruits and flowers offering to Buddha when He is no longer there, it is a great tradition to keep.

Praying to God

I have never questioned everytime why my mum goes to the temple to pray to God for example for my safety when I go abroad, for my success when I take my exams etc. Usually, she will give me a yellow sachet for me to keep in my wallet after visiting the temple and I always kept it even until today had never replaced it even when the mission is over.

So there I was, watching my two sweet ones sleeping soundly which I can't resist to pray to God wishing Him to watch over my little ones. So as I was praying, a question pop into my mind. Since I know there's a Buddha in me and there's a Buddha in them, wouldn't it be more appropriate to connect spiritually to their Buddhas' and tell them to take care of their avatar? I felt much closer to their Buddhas, an arm length away as compared to praying to God who maybe somewhere up the sky, who may be too busy as so many people are praying to Him but again, may not be that busy since He is all that mighty and should be able to manage time. Anyway, so to speak, connecting spiritually to my little ones Buddha felt much sentimentally connective as i know their Buddhas will take care of them well.


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Ten Worlds

Yesterday at Tom Yuen's RDV, I was first introduce to the Ten Worlds by Buddha.
They are as follows: -

1. Buddhahood
2. Bodhisattvahood
3. Realization
4. Learning
5. Rapture
6. Humanity
7. Anger
8. Animality
9. Hunger
10. Hell

Humanity is where we are and we can upgrade or downgrade at anytime and any moment.
I rephrase and represent the Ten Worlds via another way

1. The Truth
2. Enlightenment and Compassion
3. Wisdom
4. Knowledge
5. Content
6. Peace
7. Anger
8. Uneasiness
9. Cravings
10. Self Destruction

One always start with Level 6 - Humanity which is at peace. During the rest of the day, one can move away from The Truth or towards the Truth. If one got an indicator, that show which level s/he is at each moment, one can use the indicator to monitor oneself and flow oneself towards the Truth and away from Hell.

Example, if one work up and found one is late for work, s/he may become angry and this move one away from the Truth. S/he quickly pack his or her bag and rush for work. On the way, s/he saw a friend who has always been superior to him/her and hence tried to avoid crossing path with the friend. Hence, s/he has move into Level 8, further away from the Truth. Then s/he saw the bus to work but the queue is so long. S/he attempted to cut queue by moving into the side and squeeze, desired just to get on the bus at all cost, not caring of who s/he may hurt when s/he doing it. That move one to Level 9 and suddenly, a man pushes him or her and s/he got very angry and temper flare up and s/he began to thread punches with the man who beat one up. Blood dripping and sitting on the sidewalk, s/he felt the whole world is against him or her. S/he finally reached to Level 10 which is far away from the Truth.

However, if one chose to move the other direction like first not getting angry and briefly oneself for work, greet people along the way which other may do likewise, s/he will promote oneself to Level 5 and towards the Truth. Along the way, if s/he understand that life is full of sacrifices, i.e. why s/he woke up late that day was to allow someone to get to work earlier by occupying his or her position in the bus if one is not there, s/he will acquire this unique knowledge that usually can only be observed by a third party. Once, s/he will be able to understand the concept that we are all one, wisdom is acquired and so on and so forth paving oneself toward the Truth.

The Cookies Story

Originally Posted by :
http://www.funenclave.com/reality-bites/cookie-story-teaches-how-not-jump-23119.html

A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport. As she would need to wait many hours, she decided to buy a book to pass the time. She also bought a bag of cookies.

She sat down in an armchair in the VIP room to rest and read in peace. Beside the armchair where the packet of cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading. When she took the first cookie, the man took one also.

She felt irritated, but said nothing. She just thought, "What nerve. If I was in the mood, I would punch him just for daring!" For each cookie she took, the man took one too. This was infuriating her, but she didn't want to cause a scene. When only one cookie remained, she thought: "Ah ha! What's this abusive man going to do now?"

Then the man, taking the last cookie, divided it and gave her one half. That was too much! She was much too angry now! In a huff, she took her book and things and stormed off to commence boarding. When she sat down in her seat inside the plane, she looked in her purse to get her glasses, and, to her surprise, her package of cookies was there, untouched, unopened.

She felt so ashamed. She was wrong. She had forgotten that she had put her cookies in her purse. The man had divided his cookies with her without feeling angered or bitter...while she had been very angry thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him. And now there was no chance to explain herself or to apologize.


There are four things you cannot recover:
The stone after the throw.
The word after it's said.
The occasion after it's lost.
The time after it's gone.
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Trading Results

There are 4 outcomes for a trader. You win big, win small, lose small or lose big. Out of the 4 outcomes, there is only one outcome that a trader would want to avoid - lose big. Overall, the probability of having a good outcome is 0.75. So what is the probability of losing big - 25%. Which is also 75% probability of not losing big. But still many falls into the 25%. Why?

Here's are some of my takes but it all lead to the same point. One lose big because one do not know when one is wrong. S/he has no idea where and when to cut. Another view is when one know that one is wrong but don't believed his or her luck, refused to admit one is wrong and decided to increase the limit on the spot.

Always remember, there's only one person that is always right . She is the Market and no one else. Hence one must always prepare to be wrong to be right i.e. Cutting when one know is wrong and found out one's cut is right. Even when one admit wrong and cut and the market show one is right not to cut, one is right in his or her previous prediction and one is also right to cut to maintain consistency. Hence a wrong also leads to a right and ultimately, one is still right. On the other hand, if one is wrong, doesn't admit and holds and market prove one wrong, there is absolute certainty that one is definitely wrong. However if market move back to prove one is right, one is sure to wrong in future as one becomes not consistence. So it is still better to cut immediately when wrong as planned.


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Animality vs Humanity

Tom Yuen put up a slide on the Ten Worlds. He quoted level 6 as Humanity and level 8 as Animality.

Why is humanity above animality? An animal always behave as what it is. However a human does not always behaves as what a human expect to. S/he can be a Bodhisattva or an Animal at anytime.

From the last statement, here is where I am enlighten about the words of Buddha.

In the words of Buddha, an animal will be further away from Buddhahood when compared to a human. A human is in between Buddhahood and Animality and hence can move either way. Hence if you are an animal, one may perceived that one will have to pass through humanity to reach Buddhahood. I am open to this thought.

It is possible to attain Buddhahood when human as Buddha has proven. As a human, one can get closet to Buddhahood via the higher levels like Learning, Realization etc. Equally one can downgrade oneself to an animal if one spend most of their lives behaving like an animal. Climbing is difficult but possible and dropping is easy but dangerous.

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My Follower

Buddha never ask me to follow Him. He always follow me wherever I go.


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Should I go for an Advance Course?

A trading friend of mine ask me to join him for a course taught by a well known trader in Sydney, Australia. Firstly, I wasn't too sure about his works though I heard of him before. Secondly, it will cost atleast 10 grand for everything. The only thing positive is maybe I will learn something really good and also if he knows I exist, I can get help much easier. I thought to myself, I have been through many trading courses and what is the chance that this will not be another course that will be shelf like the others? Unless I know for certain I am not going to shelf this one, then I will definitely go for it. But I don't. The last trading course I attended is pretty good and I using it to work for me. So before I go for this course, I told my friend that I will first raise money from what I learnt from my previous course and use that money to pay for this advance course. In this way, I can force myself to make what I learned previously work and if it work, reward myself handsomely for another course.

Knowledge capital is the only thing that will not be subjected to diseconomies of scale. However: knowledge is a neutral tool. Use it unwisely, she will hurt you and others. So wisdom is required to use knowledge well. Hence too much knowledge is good if wisdom in selecting which to apply on which situation comes along with it.


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Meditation

After picking up Zen Meditation back in Oct 2009, I begin to practice back again in Dec 2010. After the course, I wasn't too sure what I was doing. Almost most of the time during the 3 x 30 mins session, I was dozing. Can't help it especially when it was done on Saturday 7pm where almost all my energy is out. Now I do it every night before bed and right after I woke up. At first it was again a difficult task for an easy instruction - Sit still and erase all your thoughts. But my monkey brain just can't sit still. Persistently, I have continued for almost a month now and now atleast I can extend from my 20 mins routine to 40 mins.

When I started, the instruction was simple but it is very hard to explain in words cause no amount of words can justify what the instructions mean. To be very vague, everything is what it is. What one hear is just an opinion and what one saw is just a perspective. What is the true nature is nature itself. I observed what Buddha did, sitting in a lotus position, arms losely by the side and hands cupped resting them just below his navel and eyes just slightly open so that he still have his sight alert. Focus a point around 3 meters away and meditate. So how does he do meditation after have his setup complete. I've yet to find out. Obviously, he does not think of anything and that is probably what meditation is about. Again, this is just my opinion :).

So I started imitate him. Setup almost exactly what he had except the lotus position as I am yet to be that flexible and just try not thinking of anything. I know I have to focus on my soul as the mind that took over most of my meditation time is anything else but meditation. I tried almost everything. Night meditation always knocked me out in 10 mins. However, I find morning meditation alot better. I open my eyes and focus on a point as I sat on my bed and sometimes I find I am actually close to meditating. I also close my eyes and similarly, I can reached a stage I called meditation - contemplation.

I read an article that meditation has a couple of stages and the first two stages are cessation and contemplation. Cessation is the ability to let your thoughts flow and let them die out without any force. Contemplation is the period between two thoughts. The longer the contemplation period, the closer you are to reaching meditation.

During the weeks I applied the two stages, I found a couple of other points.
1. As long as you can get rid of the thoughts for whatever method you apply, it is a step closer. This bring the thought why people chant like in Soka, walk, counting beads etc. As long as such activities can bring one mind from thinking past and future events and instead focus on the NOW, s/he is one step closer to meditation.

2. It is ok to doze off. When one started meditation, the first 10 mins tend to be the toughest as one has to get to that stage of mind. I call it the warm up stage where I usually end up monkey braining and dozing, realized it and begin focusing clearly doing the job correctly. Also I found out that this dozing period is good especially after a heavy meal or times when you feel sleepy. Instead of taking a short nap which usually turn out to be long and tiring especially when one start to have dreams, one could do meditation for 20 mins where one can control the thoughts and high chances one will not get oneself a tiring dream.

3. Buddha meditate to end all sufferings. And to end all sufferings, one has to have the ability to control one's mind i.e. not to let it just wonder off by itself.

4. Collective effort. I also meditate when seeing my daughters sleep. Instead of lying down with them, I will sit quietly next to them and meditate. I realized that if I have them together with me meditate, the group effort tends to build a stronger effect to the cause.

5. Bring heart rate down. During one of my meditation session, I recall watching CNA where a Singapore sharp shooter was doing her meditation during her break. Her coach was holding a watch somewhat like measuring her heart rate. I picture that besides focusing on my breathe, I could focus on reducing my heart rate which allows me to calm myself which allow better concentration.

6. The reality is a dream. Just like a dream, the mind set its own setting and reacted according to what happen in the dream. In reality, I control the mind to set my own setting. Hence instead of sitting on my bed meditating, I set myself at places where I want to be.

As dated, 6th February 2011, I am exploring ways to improve my meditation process, looking forward to complete my journey.

My CFA Level 1 Exam Experience

The purpose that I took up CFA is to improve my value investing. I read the contents of the book and found them very relevant to advance what I pick up from MIP. However, due to my misunderstanding, I thought that I have to enrol into the exam to get the texts. And hence that started my CFA Level 1 Exam Experience.

So I passed my CFA Level 1 Exam. Didn't really expect I did it though :) but I glad I did. My results? I got 1 within the range 50 - 70 while the rest above 70. There a number of pointers that I think had assist me to do well.

1. Stalla DVD Lectures - a MUST especially those that have Peter Olinto doing the lectures. He is the man. What make him so effective is that he make the concept so much easier to understand. There's also his shortcut ways to understand things and most of all, he is so clear what need to be known.

2. Stalla Passmaster - the questions are alot more difficult than the exam. I found the exam question more towards memorizing instead of application or rather it is the memorizing stuff that is the difficult part for me.

3. Sandhu Singh (FICS Lectures) - I wouldn't say this is the best lectures I ever attend but among the many who taught, I can only say Sandhu Singh is the best. Though I'm not too a fan of his Wheel Of Fortune quiz, he did a great job in making the concept easy to understand and also the lesson interesting.

4. Confidence - I had started my preparation quite well in June and July but in August, September and to Mid October, I was distracted into Live Trading. I thought I can catch up in November but I was wrong. However with the Peter Olinto's lectures and the sponsored trip to KL CFA course, I am able to accelerate my learning process. On the last week of the exam, I was in a state of panic. I felt I needed another two weeks to feel good. I can't recall the answers to the questions that I had attempted before and totally, my mind began to lose things that I so well reasoned out. I recall in my live trading program, TY told us that the worst thing to lose is Confidence. So on the last two days, I stop doing the Stalla Passmaster as the questions there are much difficult and do the easy questions in the CFA text book. This way, though I know I am in a way bluffing myself, I actually boost my confidence back as I have no issue answering those question. Somewhat tricking my mind. I think that help me most.

Last but not least, remember to do the Mock Up exam that was provided in Mid November as some of the questions in the actual exam looks similar to the Mock Ups.

You ever wish you were young again

In "Tuesday with Morrie" by Mitch Albom, Morrie was ask if he had ever wish to be be young again. He says that’s for those who wished to be young again, it is just a reflection of a life that hasn’t found meaning. If you’ve found meaning you don’t want to go back, and you can appreciate the 23 year old in you, the 35 year old and the 62 year old.

I had myself asked that question many times before.
If I have the chance to be young again, I would probably take some other paths, do something else like not taking an Engineering degree, not working for an MNC, go abroad, starting a business etc, things like that.

However, after much thoughts, I realized that if I have taken that other path/s, all that I am now might just erased. Would I meet my wife again? Would I have my little two princesses? Where would I end up? Honestly, I got no idea. Maybe, I could be very rich but will I be happy or I could be very poor but will I be sad? So what's wrong with NOW? Seriously, there's nothing that's really wrong. Is it that all I want is just a little more comfort and that could mean giving up my love ones? I think that is total insanity.

Like what Morrie had said, those who wish to be young has yet to find meaning in their present - the Meaning of their own Life.

Trading Structure

Many heard of people that can speculate the market and made lots of money and hence attempt to do the same. On the other hand, many do lost a lot of money. Making money is what many people focus on when getting into trading. However, making money is the end result that is tied to certain processes along the way. To know one is successful in making money from trading, one just have to know whether the account grew or diminished. The account's result is directly dependent on the system that one develops to determine one's entry, exit points and sizing. The system, on the other hand depends on the rules that make up the system and finally the rules are a result of one's beliefs.

If one's account is growing consistently, it is most likely due to a good consistent system. And a good system must have good rules and good rules are due to having good consistent beliefs. On the other hand, if one's account is depleting very fast, it is most likely due to having no system which means no rules and hence no belief or rather adhoc beliefs that are most likely inconsistent.

I don't believe there are any poor beliefs as poor beliefs don't last long. However, I believe that not believing one's belief is the main problem of leading to poor inconsistent results.

Hence, for one to be successful in trading, one must first established a belief/s, convert it or them to rules, create the system of rules and CONSISTENTLY follow the system. The result will tell one whether to dismiss the belief or keep it, add new belief and test it, improving the rules and keep the system moving forward. Hence one just need to focus on continuously improving one's belief and rules and getting the system work and eventually the reward will appear.

How to end suffering

Stop all thoughts


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Who wants to be the first presenter?

"The more I want to run away from it, the more I will have to face it eventually.
A better option is just face it and get it over with." - Someone

After not having done a presentation for so so long, I was made a leader for a group of 5 and as usual, being the leader tends to be the one doing the presentation. I'm pretty much used to doing presentation and has pretty much gotten over the fright of doing presentation to a bunch of unknowns. I figure that, if I am good, I shouldn't be there standing in front. On the other hand, if I am not good, I shouldn't be there sitting back. If I am not good, i should take the opportunity to be better and hence sitting back is definitely not going to make myself better in presentation next time. Everyone has to present one day. So why don't take all the opportunity to be better.

Atlas, I give everyone a chance to present but all say no, either being humble or avoiding the pain of making a fool out of oneself. I'm pretty much a married fool. So there's not much more room to be fooler. Seriously, who cares? Just like the show 'Eat Pray Love', a blonde swede told Liz that she not taking those extra calories as she already grow a muffin top - a belly. Liz task her whether she had an incident with a man in bed stop undressing because of her muffin top? Seriously, who cares about the muffin top. Having a beautiful naked girl in front is already too good to be true. Again, WHO CARES. Focus on the NOW and if I really make a fool, cry over it little, detached the past and move on. I will have a better life.

During the assignment, there are 12 teams. I am Team A and hence I was the first to present. I learned that been first to present have lots of benefit. Imagine been the 8th. I probably be having an antagonizing wait for my turn and I may probably not pay much attention to presentations 1 to 7. Also my final presentation will usually ended up adjusted, influence by what happened in 1 to 7 and most likely making me add things that may not run smoothly in my presentation. On the other hand, by being first, after I got over with my presentation, I will feel a relief of freedom so that I can just pay attention to the rest of the presentation not having to worry about my presentation anymore. Also being the first tends to be the one setting the standard and hence usually less questions ask as lecturer start to build momentum. So what am I waiting for? Just do it and get it over with.

Birth and Death

One takes a lifetime to die after birth.
One takes an instant to be reborn after death.
Death is always perceived as something dreadful.
While birth is a moment of rejoice.
Hence, if death led to instant rebirth,
Death should be a joyful pre-event.
So why spend a lifetime worrying about dying?

Birth can also be perceived where suffering begins
While death free one instantly if death stop rebirth.
Birth exist because Death exist and
Death exist because Birth exist.
To stop Birth and Death to exist,
Birth is Death and Death is Birth.
They don't mean anything.

Lessons for TUV

There are currently 2 things I would want my kids to learn in their life when they are ready to comprehend.

1. Learn to LET GO
- Past bad experiences and worrying future events tends to accumulate and attaches to one's mind, constantly wearing out one's life force away just like one's body attached with many leeches sucking one's blood out. If one could just pass a harmless static across the body that causes all the leeches to just drop off instantly, imagine how free and relief one would feel. So let go of everything that is bad in the past and worrying in the future and focus just on NOW.

Note: Many times, it is not the leeches that attached to one. It is usually one who catch and attached the leeches on one's body oneself.

2. Learn to be OPEN MINDED
- No two person has the same life experience and hence no one is definitely right or wrong about an event that have not happened or will not happened. Every thought is a probability. Every word and action may not reflect an actual thought and even the thought may not reflect the actual thought. Hence no one is 100% right which implies there is no 100% wrong as right plus wrong must add to 100%. Hence, there must be some tolerance of right to be wrong or wrong to be right. The larger this tolerance, the more open a person is. That is like saying, I could be right but you could also be right. No one knows until time will tell or never if it doesn't happen. Learn to see the GOODNESS from a bad outcome and not to attach on the bad things in all outcomes. Everyone is a good teacher. There is always something to learn from everything with an open mind. With that, KEEP MOVING FORWARD and not letting anything pull oneself back.

The Greatest Teacher

Everyone. The greatest teacher on earth is everyone. Every single body can teach you something about life, be it small, be it large, there is always something to learn if you pay really close attention to what is shown or what is heard. Open your heart and your mind and you will keep them and received more. Close them and you will lose them.

My little girl taught me something about life. A 4 year she is and she told me that Disneyland is a happy place and I should not be so grumpy. Words like these are pure, something straight out from the soul. She's my teacher in this aspect where her pureness cleanse away the impurities that has gathered and tarred in my mind for so many years.

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Five People You Meet In Heaven

My review on the 'Five People You Meet in Heaven'. The 5 people that Eddie met gave him 5 lessons as follows: -

1. Everything is Connected
- everyone, everything is connected. Whatever happens today is the actions that are brought up or cause by people or things that happened yesterday. What happen today will affect tomorrow. Everything single things, be it big or small today will affect tomorrow. Things which may consider small like throwing a piece of paper, turning the Aircon, driving your car, can cause big climate changes later, many years down the road. All are causes and effect and all are connected immediate or not immediate. Time will reveal.

2. Every sacrifices are worth something to someone else
- if you experience a good thing, someone actually sacrifice for your experience. Similarly, if you experience a bad thing, you actually sacrifice for someone else or something good happened somewhere else.

3. Anger will kill a soul. Forgiveness will save one. Hatred is a curve blade. The harm we do to others will hurt ourselves.

4. Love is still love. It will never be lost. It will take into other forms. Fond memories.

5. At times you feel lost what you doing. Nothing seems to work for you. But in hind side, your work meant alot of things to everyone else. The simple things that doesn't seems matter in the slightest bit, meant a big thing in this big huge story. Cause without it, the story will left uncompleted. The whole is full of stories but the stories are all one.

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The Middle Path

In the movie "The Little Buddha", while Siddhartha was practicing strict asceticism, he overheard two musicians speaking.

"If you tighten the string too tight it will snap, but if it is too loose it will not play."

In other words, if the string is just right in tautness, the string will produce the most beautiful beautiful sound in the world.
From these words, Siddhartha realized that his years of practicing strict asceticism is one of the extreme. He began to realized that a better way is to follow the Middle Way or similarly called the Middle Path.