Quality of Husband

The quality of husband is directly proportion to the amount he brings into the family. The amount of love.


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Your Eyes are Not Listening

I have 2 little daughters and when I heard this from Mitch, it gave me something to smile at.

From a Sermon by the Reb, 1958

“A little girl came home from school with a drawing she‟d made in class.
She danced into the kitchen, where her mother was preparing dinner.
“„Mom, guess what?‟ she squealed, waving the drawing.
“Her mother never looked up.
“„What? she said, tending to the pots.
“„Guess what?‟ the child repeated, waving the drawing.
“„What?‟ the mother said, tending to the plates.
“„Mom, you‟re not listening.‟
“„Sweetie, yes I am.‟
“„Mom,‟ the child said, „you‟re not listening with your eyes.‟”

I let my wife listened to the above and she brought back the book that I once read and recommended to her 5 to 6 years ago - The 5 Love Language by Gary Chapman.
The 5 Language of Love (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/) are as follows :-

• Words of Affirmation

  Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time

  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts

  Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service

  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch

  This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

She asked me which is the predominant language of my eldest daughter. I contemplated between Quality Time and Words of Affirmation and ended up choosing the later. She told me that it was Quality Time. How? She actually asked her, my 4 year old.

Mum: Do you love me?
Daughter: I loved you mummy.
Mum: Why do you love me?
Daughter: I just love you.
Mum: But you must have a reason why you love me.
Daughter: Ahhhh.... because you spend time watching movie with me. You read bedtime story book with me.

Just as simple as that.

Detachment

This is a great story that teaches detachment.

There is a story of a farmer whose horse ran away. That evening the neighbors gathered to commiserate with him since this was such bad luck. He said, "May be."

The next day the horse returned, but brought with it six wild horses, and the neighbors came exclaiming at his good fortune. He said, "May be."

And then, the following day, his son tried to saddle and ride one of the wild horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. Again the neighbors came to offer their sympathy for the misfortune. He said, "May be."

The day after that, conscription officers came to the village to seize young men for the army, but because of the broken leg the farmer's son was rejected. When the neighbors came to say how fortunately everything had turned out, he said, "May be."

Like what Mitch says, such a simple story that is so attached can be so detached.
It teaches me to let go and not to attach to any physical things or emotions. For every gain, there will be some loss and for every loss, there will be some gain.

From the book 'Have a Little Faith' by Mitch Albom, a chapter talks about Adam who lived 930 years instead of a full 1000. The story claims that he agreed with His Creator to shorten his life in order to give life to another. This story was outlined by the rabbi to explain his acceptance to the death of his 4 year old born daughter. He ended saying that "Is it not better to have known my daughter for four years, than not to have known her at all?" In other words, for every loss, there will be some gain. My view is that his 4 year old has enriched his life in her 4 years and has now move on to enrich other lives.

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Still Voice Within

"The only tyrant that I accept in the world is the still small voice within me" - Mahatma Gandhi

I have difficulty in understand the quote above. After googling for a while and reading the different perspective that was put forward, I took that little voice is either the mind or the soul that guides oneself on decision making. The mind has two advisers - the devil and the guardian. So which spirit should I trust? Well.... trust neither. Trust the soul. The soul is the purest since the body is born to the body dies.

Quoting again from 'Have A Little Faith' by Mitch Albom, he highlighted the story of Henry Covington who did many bad things in his youth like, robbing, drugs, etc. Each time he got into trouble, he begged for Jesus for help. And each time he managed to get away, he goes back to his old ways. There was this last time where he got himself in trouble again and he pleaded to Jesus that he will give his life to Jesus if he could get out from his bad situation again. Same as the last time, he did but after that, he turned over a new leaf. I was thinking, did Jesus really help him?

My view. The decision to turn over a new leaf was a decision make by himself, his soul in particularly. At that point in time, his soul took over his mind and guided him out. Whether he got out from his bad situation considered a miracle or not is not the point. The fact that he turn over a new leaf is the strength that his soul possess at that moment and continue to strengthen, took over his whole body including his mind and guided him out of his bad habits and keep him away from turning back.

My point is everyone has a Jesus, an Allah, a Buddha etc... in him or her. At times of trouble, it is the touch of this soul in the body that is so pure that guide oneself out from his/her sins. So stop thinking and get connected to this soul in within and let it guide your body towards your task in the universe.

So is Jesus involved?
Here's a nice incident in the book again where the rabbi narrated an incident which he had with his doctor. His doctor is not a believer of any faith. So every time the rabbi visited him, the doctor will criticize the rabbi's faith. One day, the doctor's brother died and the rabbi decided to send his condolences to the doctor. When he met the doctor, the doctor told him "I envied you!. If your loved one died, atleast you have someone to blame. You can blame on God but for me, I have only myself to blame for I can't saved my brother."

This episode tells me that if your own soul is not strong enough, having Jesus, Allah, Buddha etc around is good. Not to blame them but having a strong pillar to lean on in times of trouble to help managed one's emotions. At the same time, through these Great Ones' teachings, one can enhanced one own spirit, making one stronger so as to be able to face and handle other situations, one own as well as others.

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Better than Tomorrow

In the book 'Have A Little Faith' by Mitch Albom, he asked Albert Lewis who is lying on his bed whether he is feeling alright. Albert says "Let me put it this way. I am not better then yesterday BUT!!!! I am better than tomorrow."

I chuckled alittle and felt 'What a great way to put.' I remember someone once told me what Jackie Chan had said - Expect the worst but Hope for the best. I had difficulty comprehend that but it seems like Albert has just sum it all. He expect tomorrow will not be better than today but if he is wrong, he win both ways. He just created a win-win attitude for himself. And to further support his phrase, in 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle, he emphasized the important of cherishing what you have NOW as the future is unknown and the past is olden.

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Heaven and Hell

I met up with Tom Yuen, a Soka district leader and during our conversation, he commented on the subject what is heaven and hell. Heaven and hell are not physical places but are found within oneself. That is so true. What he says make me recollect a story that I came across and understand better the essence the story is highlighting. There are many versions of the story, all leading to the same outcome but here's mine.

A shogun heard of this famous Zen Master and so he decided to visit the master, hoping to be his student. He asked:

"Master, perhaps you could tell me about heaven and hell?"

The old master looked at the shogun, shake his head and turn his back away, ignoring the shogun. The shogun felt insulted and seized with rage, he drew his sword to strike the man down.

The master raise his finger and pointed to the shogun's head and says "That is hell!"

Realizing he had been given a great lesson, the shogun sheathed his sword and bowed deeply in gratitude

"And that is heaven!", said the master pointing to the naval.

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Restrain

Proper restrain helps to calm a person down. I did that to my younger daughter when she threw her baby tantrum. Restraining her is to hold her hand and legs snuggly tight, not enough to cause any hurt. Holding her for awhile until her assurance that she had calm down tends to subside her tantrum faster than to try reasoning out with her when she is gesturing wildly. Of course the other way is to give in to her demands but that will spoilt her.

I was watching a series show and this teenager was showing restrain anger. The expert tempted him to burst that out by taunting and shoving him. Atlas he burst and retaliate, in which the expert held him down in a bear hugged snuggly, however strong enough not to let him break free. The guy burst into tears and after that all was calm.

Restrain is a great technique but if it fails, the result can be quite oppositely bad. So when one wants to try restrain, make sure that one has the strength to execute it completely else do not attempt.


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What is happiness

Happiness is the ability to overcome sadness.

This is what I extracted after reading 'A Piece of Mirror' by Daisaku Ikeda.

To overcome sadness, one has to overcome happiness.
Because without happiness, there will be no sadness.
And without sadness, there will be no happiness.
Sadness and happiness are created by Man.
Hence by detaching oneself from Man's creation,
one can then live one's life truly within.


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