Handling Guilt and Self Punishment

For the past few weeks of trading, the market took a trashing. I was one of the small boat in that treacherous climate. Luckily I have beefed myself with a rather effective plan, at least it proof effective for last month. And here I am, getting my plan really tested on this volatile 2 weeks. Gain some, lose some but the biggest loss I got, was self confidence and guilt. My cuts are overall good but my profit taking?... that really suck. Toyed around by my own emotions which atlas cause me to deviate from my plans. Day after day, I asked myself why am I not discipline enough in my exits. Even if I lost money but if I had followed consistently on my plan, I should looked forward to a great big tick on my trading diary. Who a, I kidding? Looking forward to a great big tick wasn't enough to keep me discipline. So I came to realize that I may need other forms of motivation. Reward or Punishment? Buy myself a new laptop? nah...I will buy it anyway... Prick my finger with my wife's glucose tester? Am I crazy!!! Then while googling for Self Punishment (pretty psycho to google such thing), I stumbled upon this website by urban monk.

http://www.urbanmonk.net/247/

This is great written article. There's one part that brought me to my senses. Whenever I am in a trading position, my emotions immediately changes. FEAR and the What if? question circles around my head like griffon vultures. And like any average human being, to end that awful feeling, I just get myself out of position by exiting anyhow. Phew.... What a relief!!! Wasn't that good? And guess what the next awful feeling subconsciously filled my body - GUILT!

This vicious cycle repeat everyday. I need a way to end this.

And that is when I realized this beautiful question:-

"Why am I feeling this way?"

Asking myself this simple question immediately let me consciously felt the fear that took over my body subconsciously, bring it out from within to 3 feet away from my body and look at it. With that irritating feeling 3 feet away, my mind becomes much clearer which allow me to objectively plan my exits.

This simple question also help me to check on my other feelings like anger, frustration, sadness that fill me now and then coping with the pressure of life. I am glad I am psycho enough to google for Self Punishment. So aways remember the question from the Buddha within whenever you felt negative.

My CFA Level 2 Exam Experience

After 4 months of intensive study, which I ought to do after experiencing Level 1 exam, I am glad that I scrap through my Level 2 exam. Though I not did as well as Level 1, I am just happy to have move forward. Here are my thoughts about what I have done and what I should have done.

1. This time, I did not sign up for FCIS as after calculating the sponsorship and the task to clock attendance, I realized that I am better off just getting the Stalla Guides. I purchase the Stalla guides because of the DVD lectures by Peter Olinto. However, this time, I fully depend on the Stalla Study Guides as these guides are excellent in their summarization of the essentials. Besides they are written in a way which I found i could easily comprehend. I have no other guides and hence I can't comment on others

2. Stalla Passmaster again. The questions in the DVD help pretty much for me to reinforce my learnings and yes, one definitely have to go through them.

3. Noting that in Level 1, as there are 10 studies, similar in Level 2, I realized that I tend to forget what I learned what I read in the earlier studies mid way through the studies. So this time, I scheduled my study sessions well. First part, a run through of the 10 topics which took me around 2 months plus. Then a 2nd round, however, with categorization of topics that overlaps to make sure I did not forget the earlier studies by applying them in the later studies. Also I did questions on the earlier study almost every day just to keep myself refresh. That take me around a month plus. The last few days are mostly on Ethics and just doing questions, not forgetting the mock questions as well.

4. Last but not least, never never lose your Confidence.

I couldn't think what else I could have done further except if I have started earlier. After getting my Level 1 results on 26 Jan, to the exam date on 5 Jun, I have only 4 months to complete the 10 studies. This time I have at least 10 months and hence no more complains about time. But again, this is Level 3 which may require more time and I have yet to get started. What I am doing different this time is apply what I learn in Level 1 and 2 and new findings in Level 3 curriculum on building a portfolio.

Arbitrage

After watching Numb3rs Season 3 - Longshot, I review the lessons in this episode in this site
http://www.math.cornell.edu/~numb3rs/samuelson/last2/num306.html. The Arbitrage section was rather interesting.

I looked into our Singapore pool betting system particularly on the soccer bets where there are odds defined and true indeed, the reciprocal of the odds are always greater than 1.


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A Don't Know Mind

The whole world recognizes the beautiful as the beautiful but this is the only ugly;

The whole world recognizes the good as the good, yet this is only the bad. - Tao Te Ching

To know more, one need to have a don't know mind.


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What are you carrying?

Two monks were traveling by foot in winter when they came upon a ford swollen by the rain. A pretty girl stood by the water, crying because she couldn't get across. One of the monks said, "Come on!" and scooping her up in his arms marched through the flood, put her down on the other side, and walked on. All day his companion fumed inside. Finally, when they stopped for the evening meal he burst out, "Why did you pick up that girl? You know monks aren't allowed to touch women. And she was pretty, as well!" To which his companion replied, "Why are you are still carrying her then?"

Do you believe in ghosts?

Time flies and it's almost 2 months away that I have posted my last post in March. I did 2 months of CFA hibernation and finally, the exam is over. While at the library, I spotted a book staring at me - Zen Questions by Robert Allen. The book has lots of illustration and here is one that I like.

A man's wife lay dying. She loved her husband very much and made him promise never to remarry. She told him that, should he break his promise, she would return to haunt him. For some time the husband remained faithful but, being quite a young man, he felt the need of a wife. He met a girl he liked and decided to remarry. Immediately the ghost of his former wife started to appear to him. She not only berated him for his unfaithfulness but embarrassed him by recounting in great detail exactly what he and his new wife had been up to. In desperation the man sought help from a Zen priest. The priest told the man to put some dried beans in his pocket. The next time the ghost appeared he was to take a handful of beans, without looking, and challenge the ghost to tell him how many beans he held. If she could do it, he would leave his new wife, but if not, the ghost would have to stop bothering him. The man followed this advice and, as soon as he issued the challenge, the ghost let out a scream of anger and fled.

An Old Woman, Your Best Friend and Your Dream Girl

You are driving your 2 seater battery-powered buggy on a stormy evening round a remote area. In front of a buggy stop you saw three people. A sickly skinny old lady lying on a cardboard bed, your best friend who once saved your life and the lady(man) of your dreams. Your buggy is only strong enough to carry one more passenger. Who will you pick?

I post my views in April.

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