Sunday, September 26, 2010

Staring at The Abyss

"Man stares into the abyss, and there's nothing staring back at him. That's when man finds his character. And that's what keeps him out of the abyss." - Wall Street

Just finished Wall Street, not Wall Street 2 and found the phrase rather catchy. Google and want to find out the actual meaning of this phrase. Not too sure I got it right but from the sum of what I collected, here's my shot that make sense to me.

When man looked into an abyss which is usually deep dark, there are either 3 reactions :-
1) fearful which mean evil has scared the he'll out of you
2) attracted which mean evil has tempted you and you accepted it
3) nothing which mean you seen it so many times that you find nothing special or have no feelings about it

If I apply to trading, if I am fearful to trading, it could mean that I have heard stories about people losing money and hence would rather avoid trading in the whole place. However, if instead I find it attractive because of the money, then I may be lured into it and may eventually get destroyed through trading. But if I see nothing in trading just like a Professional Trader sees it as a way that his/her skills can be use to make things work for him/her, then most likely s/he may find it just a common thing to do that he may not even develop any feelings about trading.

Overall, I think the phrase touches on emotions. When you trade, no emotions should be involves. All entries and exits have to be objectives with no emotions attached. Achieving that is like looking into the abyss not feeling fearful or excited.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Blog?

Why am I writing all these blogs?

Am I penning them down for others to read? Wasn't in my mind before but yes and I hope they make sense out of it. Actually, I told my wife that I wrote this so that my daughters will get to read them and show it to their children what I am like if this body pass on.

However I asked myself... Am I what I wrote? Hahaha... I begin to wonder. I wrote these blogs to remind myself what I would like to be. I would love to be what I have written and for sure I have not reached that stage yet. Of course I hope what I wrote is good for the well beings. So what you are reading is what I want to be and hopefully be able to be one of this day. Hence once awhile, reading them again helps me to remember what I stand to be. Disclaimer, I hold the right to edit myself and hence the blog. :)

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I was wrong

Why is it so difficult for me to say that? I thought about it and realized that I have been condition to do that since I was younger. I have my pride and like what the road safety department says "Speeding Kills" and I will say "Pride Kills" too. Imagine driving along your usual way and suddenly a car from behind horn you and later drove by your side and show you the middle finger. If that hurts your pride really badly, I hope that pride of yours don't get stuck in your mind and let it get to you and eventually kill you. So I think LTA should not just put Speeding Kills. They should instead put "Priding Kills" :)

Anyway back to the topic. I recall everytime I had an argument with my wife, usually I will argue until I win. I can smoke a wrong to a right, deflect the original argument to something totally different and that she is guilty of to totally just being a total jerk ass. What else could have cause this to happen? My pride... Totally chaunavistic to the fullest. Never admit wrong.

And now it is hurting me. Where? In my trading. In trading, there's this word of advise "when you wrong, CUT!!!".
How can that be? How can I be wrong? Yes I am sure wrong when I start seeing her (the market) using my account like her free flow credit card. If I don't stop her, my wife is going to suspect that I am having a mistress. :P

There was this Raffles Teacher who once commented "The biggest mistake one can make is not to admit, not to apologize and most importantly, not to learn from it." S/he was referring to our government. Anyway, I don't have that habit of admitting wrong. So to get better especially in my trading, I will need to develop that habit else my virtual mistress is going to go on a spending spree. Also I'm sure my wife don't mind winning a few quarrels... okay maybe more than a few... :P

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Promise

I remember last year, after leaving the labour market for a while, I felt a little unproductive not bringing the bread to the family. Each day, I have to struggle hard to make meaning in my new found existence. For 10 years, I used to having a work to go every morning and a salary to look forward to at the end of each month. Breaking away from these norm seems to be so difficult. My life has been distracted by work for the past 10 years. And now? I reflected and realized that there are more than one role I have worn even when I am working I have put them in second spot. Now, since I am no longer an employee, there are now room for my other roles to reveal so clearly to me.

So what are these other roles? Being an employee paid well but being a good husband and the best dad paid even better. I can also choose to be a good son. Anyway, the day that my daughters were born, I have made a vow to be the best dad they ever had. Of course I am the only dad to them and already I believed I qualified as their best.

What about this unique vow that I have made not to myself but to someone and also in public.

"Will you, Roy take this woman Shirley to be your wedded wife, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, so long as you both shall live? I will."

All these criteria are within my own control and I doesn't need to learn how to do that.

So what I'm trying to say is even if I failed to do well in many roles, careers, friends, etc that I had in this life, I can still choose and be remembered by my wife as a good husband, my daugthers as a good father, parents as a good son.



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In The Zone

What is 'In The Zone'? My trading mentor did an explanation of trading in the zone that all professional traders are in at there peak performance. Obviously, I have not reach their level yet but I asked 'Have I ever being in the zone before and how does it feels like to be in the zone?

I reflected what I have done well in the past... My studies? swimming front crawl for 30 laps non stop? Yes, I am able to do them pretty effortlessly. What about driving my car from home to school? Yes, that too can be done effortlessly. Than doesn't that means I am in the Zone almost every day.

So effortlessly is what I feel when I am In the Zone. So what are the characteristics of being In The Zone? The first thing that comes to my mind is lots of practices. However, I recall at times when I prepared and practices very throughly, I may not be in the zone when the day the skill is required. Take for example driving test. My mind just goes blank everytime the examiner sits next to me.

So besides lots of practice, the other thing that I think I have when I am in the zone is Confident, not over confident. When one is confident, one is not fearful. Fearful and confident has a inversely proportional relationship. Over confident is extrapolating the confident into unknown areas. In trading, there are 2 words that can kill the account. Being fearful and greedy. A fearful person can enter a trade and got stop out quickly many times and when a winning trade comes in, fearful of being stop out, exited with a small profit. Or s/he may simply be so fearful that s/he did not enter at all. At the end, either s/he has many stop out and little winning trades that will negate his or her account or many small winning trades that could have resulted in costly commissions. On the other extreme, the greedy one, the overly confident person will ride both ways to the extreme. Riding a winning position is good but s/he may also be riding a losing position hoping for a return that never come.

Similarly, driving a car has two extremes. Fearful after an accident or go on aggression after an incident. Both can kill. In exams, one can become so fearful that resulted in a mental block or overly confident to beat the time and finished the papers without doing double checking but with the aim of wanting to show everyone s/he is the first to walk out the room.

Hence some sort of moderation is needed to be In The Zone, not too much and not too little. However, just confident is still not enough. One has to be subconscious about being confident and that is vital to achieving effortless. Imagine ending a trading day and surprised to see the profits and not knowing how it got there. In the Zone put one in some sort of trance, flowing with the task just like an orchestra conductor. Imagine finishing your 6 hours exam papers in 2 hours without even realizing it. Imagine getting to your destination in your car without even realizing how you are driving and what route you have took. That is the power of subconscious confident. And the good thing about subconscious confident is, it can be learned and transferred. Hence, to reach my next level of trading, the first thing I must not do is losing confident in the face of consecutive days of loss. Trade your rules, refine it until you run like a machine when you see a signal.

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